Laura was bugging me about breakfast and I didn't blame her, because I was quite hungry myself. She suggested we go to Shari's and I agreed without really deciding if I wanted to or not. My mind wasn't ready to process my current cravings and wants, so I just kept my mind off it and blindly followed Laura. She wanted to drive and that was fine by me. The more decisions made by her meant fewer ones I'd have to think about. She also decided we were going to listen to the "Punisher" soundtrack. It was okay, but I much prefer soundtracks where the music was made for the movie and is also instrumental. This one was almost exclusively pop rock songs that, in my opinion, were only included to make the movie appeal to teenagers and fans of rock.

We arrived at the Santa Clara Shari's to find all the tables and the benches for waiting, as well as most of the space between the 2 benches, usually used as the main walkway, was occupied by a variety of customers. I opted for us to go somewhere else and, after we decided against IHOP, Laura suggested the Shari's by the Gateway Mall. Fine with me.

Fortunately, there was no wait. She got her usual breakfast sampler platter and I got the Belgian waffle with strawberries and whipped cream. Then we went home and she took a nap while I retreated to my room for some Final Fantasy 8 stat-boosting item gaining. I then woke Laura up so we could watch the movie that we got from Netflix. It was "American History X". Laura had seen it but I hadn't. It was a good movie, but a little on the negative side for me. I'd just as soon not think about that kinda stuff.

Then I called my parents up to see what they were up to. I was supposed to see "The Nativity Story" with them sometime and bring Laura with me. She was sorta interested in it and claimed not to know the whole story. Unfortunately for me, when I make a plan, I stick with that plan. My expectations are that the plan will work. I get an idea of what I want from my day, what has already happened in my day, and plan things to build off of what has already happened so my day will meet what I want from it. If I don't feel my day was as enjoyable as I expect it to be, I'll do something to make it meet my expectations even if I have to stay up late to do it.

So, I figured that it was a Saturday night and so my family should've been free. I had planned to bring Laura to see the movie and she knew I was calling my parents to go see it, so she should've obviously known she was going to watch it that night. My plan had been made and so had my expectations. I expected my phone to be charged and functional, for the new spot I found in the parking lot to get me good reception like it did last time, for my family to be home, for at least my mom, dad, and Catie to be free (they haven't seen the movie), for them to agree to go see the movie, to drive Laura over to their house, for Amy to be there so I could give her the CDs I burned for her, to get to the movie on time, get good seats, and like the movie. Those were my expectations and all of it had to happen for my day to be how I wanted it to be and I didn't even consider that any part of my plan may have not worked out. That was out of the question.

So I went to call my mom, when I overheard Laura talking to someone on the phone as I went outside. She was telling her brother that she would meet him soon. That meant she had plans. That meant she must have not known that my plans included her. Did she not know that I was going to see "The Nativity Story" then? Did she not know that I wanted her to come along with me when I did see it? Did she just not care? The plan included her and it wouldn't work if she wasn't going to be there. It was such an attack to my expectations that I almost ignored it and pretended it wasn't happening and tried to go through with the plan as if everything was fine.

So I called and my mom answered. I tried to ask what they were doing that night, but I was getting bad reception. Boom! One more expectation thrown out the window. I had finally found a place not too far from my front door that had good reception and it turned out that it was fake. It was just a minor part of the plan and therefore didn't ruin the rest of it, but it just built upon the nagging thoughts in the back of my head telling me that the plan was shot because Laura wasn't going to be there. My mom told me that she was busy-- hold on! Busy? Was the whole world bent on making my plan have as few elements succeed as possible? Fuck! So she was busy decorating the house or something, I couldn't hear her right through the BAD RECEPTION.

Immediately, my mind scrambled for some good thought or hope to hold onto. The plan was scrapped. It was a totally useless plan. Nothing could save the day. I'd have to find something else to do to occupy my time. My only hope for the weekend was to plan the movie for tomorrow. It would have to be earlier in the day since I work the day after tomorrow. However, to let my mom finish her sentence, she was busy decorating and would be busy tomorrow making wreaths with other women from the church. Okay, that's it. Plan's over with. There's nothing left to say. The only thing I could do was to cut my losses and retreat with my tail between my legs. I tried to salvage what little of the plan I could or perhaps modify it to fit the new conditions. Maybe I could just see it with my dad and Catie? No, that wouldn't work. My mom and Laura have to see it as well. Hey, I just got the movie "Vanishing Act" in the mail and my parents really want to see it again. Maybe I can bring it over there. No, because Laura hasn't seen it and I wanted her to come over with me and see it. I decided that the plan was dead and there was no use trying to revive it.

Then she asked if I wanted to talk to my dad. My dad? What the fuck would I want to talk to my dad for? What could he fucking do? Could he make my mom's night be open? Could he make Laura's plans go away? I don't think so. There was nothing I had to say to him. I called to inform them of the plan and now that there was no plan, my purpose for calling had left. I had to regroup and think of something else to occupy the rest of my night that would be good enough to make my day meet my expectations for it before I could discuss anything with anyone.

I then noticed Laura was coming toward me and she gave me a hug. Maybe she could sense I was upset. Whatever the reason, my mind couldn't even begin to break away from my current dilemma to expend any amount of brainpower on the reason for her hugging me. I hardly even noticed it was happening. However, in an effort to acknowledge her presence, I tried to say something to her, but since the action of saying something to her was all the tiny amount of brainpower used on her could manage, it wasn't enough to actually think about or decide what to say, and so I turned and yelled at her that I hate when cell phones have bad reception, and then even that little bit of my mind that noticed her presence was pulled back inside and she vanished from my thoughts. I seriously didn't know if she was still standing there or if she had left.

As soon as I put my phone back up to my ear, I heard my dad trying to talk to me. Great. So much for regrouping. I couldn't just hang up. He asked what was up. I told him I didn't know what was up anymore. I told him of my plan and of all the parts of it that had failed before the plan even got underway and I was upset and depressed over it. He asked if there was another movie I wanted to go see. Another movie? Well, maybe, but if I went to see a different movie it would have to be by myself. I was no longer in the mood to be around other people. I didn't have the desire to include other people into my thoughts. I needed to keep it simple and think about only me. I told him I didn't know. He said I should come over. And do what? Regroup there? Yeah right! There's too much going on over there. I needed my mind to myself. I regroup at home by myself. I only go out for a reason and with expectations for its success. Being at my parents' house is being out and I couldn't go there until I formed at least some thoughts in my mind about what would happen if I went over there, if I would enjoy myself, if I would have enough time to leave and do something to make my day as good as I wanted if nothing I did over there could fulfill it.

I told him I'd be over.

(continued in next entry due to lack or room)